Friday, July 15, 2005

Happy (Belated) Bastille Day



What more proof could you possibly need to attest to the fact that this blog is written by an unrepentant, boorish, American infidel? Quel Horror! There was no post yesterday celebrating Bastille Day, the day the French overthrew the Bourbon dynasty, to make room for a bloody anarchy by Robespierre & the Jacobins only to end up with the Napoleonic dynasty. Indeed, we Americans have a lot to learn from certain older, more civilized cultures.

Without further ado, let the celebrations commence! Here is a list of ten ways to nurture your inner Frenchman on this special occasion complied by The Man.

10. Don't take a bath
9. Throw those arms in the air, wave a white flag like you just don't care
8. Order an extra side of Freedom Fries with your Freedom Toast
7. Yell out "Zut Alors!" sporadically during the day
6. Make sure to donate $50 to johnkerry.com so he stops emailing me
5. Work only 35 hours this week
4. Eat cheese, surrender, and repeat if necessary
3. Curse Lance Armstrong, accuse him of doping
2. Dust off the old guillotine

And the #1 way to celebrate Bastille Day:

1. Read the "Great French Military Victories of the 20th Century" pamphlet

In keeping with the great French tradition of cowardice, Jacques Chirac, in an effort to shore his 25% approval rating, switched from America bashing to Brit bashing. Way to go Jacques, kick 'em when their down, 'cause you know you can't get away with it other wise.

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